i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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