I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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