I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
