I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
