you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
