so explain again why im purple
no
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
