85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
