so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
no you cant smoke seaweed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
