He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
