If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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