Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
