what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
