Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
