apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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