I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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