My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
