You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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