Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Boobs are out for the taking
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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