shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
