Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
this is an emotional support booty call
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
