so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
