That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
