I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ketchup is God's man juice
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
