there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
