Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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