In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
