margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
