After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
