So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
