omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
