Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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