Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
