I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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