you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
