I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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