She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
