Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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