Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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