hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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