Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
