so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
