remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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