do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
