if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
