meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
