Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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