took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
