why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
