Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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