i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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