I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
