I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
