There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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