i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
