he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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