Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
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We tried having a conversation with our noses.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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