I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
