if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
