I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
