I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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