yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
