we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
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my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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