you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
