Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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