sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
