Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
