I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
