We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
