i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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