I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
