Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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