you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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