I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
