I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
