hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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