this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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