her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
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there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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