ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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